At the risk of sounding like your mother, I am going to make a strong case for why you have to date the Nice Guy. Not should. The Nice Guy. It is because it makes us as women look stupid and actually quite anti-feminist to not value what the Nice Guy brings to the table. Either way, his lack of killer instinct has acted as a turn-off. Dominant CEO types, irresponsible artists, six-packed footballers and everything in-between. The problem is that if I look at it the qualities that these guys bought to the table did NOT align with my life goals. Yes, my life goals include hopefully being a good mum, a healthy bodied septuagenarian, and a competent Latin Dancer.
He would ignore my calls and cheat on me, then we’d argue and make up. This hopelessly obsessive love cycle repeated until we were both too exhausted to care about each other anymore. And even when it was over, it still felt like love.
The nice guy may have expressed an interest in dating you. The nice guy is the person who you trust and feel comfortable with, but don’t see as “fun” or “.
That is until I met my current boyfriend. I was addicted to the games. I thought passion came in the form of fighting and tears. Fast-forward to today, and obviously, I was terribly wrong. I had my doubts in the beginning. But they did. How in the world does that make for a healthy relationship? My current boyfriend never once made me question his intentions.
The answers were split down the middle. Half of the recipients used words like considerate , friendly, kind, amiable, generous. The other half opted for dull, unconfident, needy, weak, self-centred , and clingy. The chap always believes he falls into group one.
He also loved the idea of dating someone who was going to be a Had a “nice guy” on tinder who didn’t make it to date for the following.
Every woman knows a ‘nice guy’. Then the ‘nice guy’ isn’t nice anymore, because actually, he was never genuinely nice. At one end of the spectrum is the guy who will call us a derogatory name or pretend they weren’t even interested in the first place when we try and let them down. At the other end is seriously abusive behaviour and gaslighting. Because the thing is, actual nice guys don’t go on about being nice. It’s not performative, because they think there’s something in it for them.
Nice people just get on with being nice. Here is what they had to say. He was always talking about how he wasn’t like other guys, and was so laid back and chill. Then a few months later I tried to break up with him because I wasn’t feeling it and he wouldn’t It was almost like he was taking my break up as a suggestion. He was like, ‘nah let’s just stay together and I’m sure your feelings will change,’ and I kept being talked into it?!!?
Whenever I introduce myself to a woman, I always make sure to slip in the fact that I am a very nice guy. How else will they be able to figure out that I am such a good, kind man? I volunteer once a month, and bring a professional photographer along so I can get high-quality Tinder photos of me ladling soup or whatever.
Bob Vulfov examines why a self-described very nice guy has trouble finding dates.
Men who complain that they are unlucky in love despite their ‘nice guy’ persona may have a sinister agenda. The so-called ‘Nice Guy’, the often physically unattractive man who overcompensates with clingy and over-the-top behaviour to women, is relentlessly mocked online. Dr Robert Glover , who’s studied the issue, says these men are often trying to form “covert contracts” with the target of their affections.
In other words, they might use kindness to try and make up for what they lack elsewhere. The idea is that if you meet someone’s needs without them having to ask, they should meet yours. Dr Glover said: “Others typically do not realise these contracts exist and are often surprised when the Nice Guy lashes out at their failure to keep their end of the deal.
And when things don’t go their way, they often complain that they’ve been “friend-zoned” despite the target of their affections never being interested in the first place. On the Reddit forum dedicated to the subject, the ulterior motives of Nice Guys are highlighted using social media posts and screengrabs:. A ccording to Professor Adam Grant , although being nice may not get you what you want in the short-term, it could pay off after all because people will want your help further down the line.
Whilst it may be that the object of your affections is only interested in friendship, Dr Marczyk believes that if you find yourself feeling resentful about being in the ‘friend-zone’, you need to change yourself to increase your chances of getting out. That’s a formula for disappointment.
I admitted in a previous post that on the scale of shows-up-on-time to seriously narcissistic, I tend to lean more toward the bad-boy side. But that was before I met Mr. New York , your classic—with a few caveats—nice guy. Through my relationship with him and the experience of my friends who long ago realized the value in ditching bad for nice, I’ve come up with a list of reasons you should give the nice guy in your life a shot. A nice guy doesn’t play mind games.
Want to know how he feels about a certain movie, restaurant, or—gasp!
Nice guys may finish last, but sometimes they deserve it. At the end of the day, love isn’t a charity, and some women had to learn this the hard.
After breaking up with my long-term boyfriend , I quickly learned that putting yourself out there is really just a shortcut to feelings of disappointment and, well, emotional pain. So why am I wasting time looking for the catch? Whenever I share my happy news of seeing a genuinely nice guy being clouded by my expectation that the other shoe—whatever it may be—is bound to drop, people seem to get me. In fact, many others have issues accepting sincere kindness from a new flame.
What gives? No surprises here, but having difficulties trusting kindness in a romantic relationship might stem from generalized trust issues. She adds that the struggle could originate from any number of things, including childhood experiences or situations with past significant others. Subconsciously a pessimist about love? You might be self-sabotaging as a method of self-preservation. Rework your perspective so you can be open to the healthy relationship you totally deserve.
Try your hardest to really start fresh and not bring your past or your inner naysayer into a new relationship. For some more dating assistance, these are first date questions you should avoid. And this is the one trait to look for in a partner. I Tried It to Find Out.
When it comes to being satisfied with guys and relationships , many women find them problematic in one way or another. Until you seek out the perfect guy, you’re faced with dudes who don’t want to commit, jerks who play with your heartstrings, then ghost you… and who could forget to mention the stage five clingers who won’t take a hint. You know the guy who I’m talking about: He’s irresistible AF and has enough charm to fill up an entire freaking bracelet.
The player ends up breaking your heart because he’s not satisfied playing just one game; the ass has to play two, or maybe even 10 at a time. The nice guy seems so refreshing when compared to the player. But why do we feel as though we’re settling when we’re dating the nice guy?
But do you want to date ‘the nice guy’? Stephanie Nuzzo spoke to sexologist Kassandra Mourikis and men’s dating coach Chris Manak about the.
Suffice it to say that if you actually are one, there’s no need to declare it. Case in point: Redditor Between3and20eh ‘s decision to ask the online community: “Women who gave “nice guys” a chance how did it work out? Was a nice shy guy at first but upon getting into a serious relationship that was just for the public. Behind closed doors was a very insecure person. He had decent looks but was short and skinny with glasses.
I didn’t mind and never used that against him but it affected his confidence and he took it out on everyone else. Even after trying to work on it for months and always reassuring him he ended up cheating on me several times and then hid behind the nice guy victim thing. Went and told everyone that I was out of his league and just using him as a place to live and I had been the one cheating which wasn’t true. I moved out and got my own place immediately to proceed I could and cut all ties.
Went on and on about what a great, compassionate guy he was. He was actually just your garden variety, abusive psycho. He once said to me: “I wish you had been abused so you would realise how great I am.